Mini-"Whatzis?"

by Jesse Exum



Answer--plus answers to the first "Whatzis?"--next week! (No, really!)

Picture-Perfect Pictures

by Jesse Exum

Snake Ascending Staircase


Bugs in the System


X-ray


Hive of Activity


N'Sink

Nursery Rhyme Retellings (Not just a little-kids' post)

by Jesse Exum

ORIGINAL:

Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating his Christmas pie.
He stuck in his thumb,
Pulled out a plum,
And said, "What a good boy am I!"

RETELLING:

A little boy named Jack Horner sat in the corner of a room, eating his Christmas pie. He pulled a plum out of it and complimented himself.

ORIGINAL:

Rock-a-bye baby
In the treetop.
When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall,
And down will come baby,
Cradle and all.

RETELLING:

A sleepy baby is high in a tree. When the wind blows, the cradle the baby is in will rock. When the branch the cradle is on breaks, the baby in the cradle will fall out of the tree, most likely to death or serious injury.

All Hallow's E'en

By Paul Wilson
Photo by Jesse Exum

Halloween comes around every year, but to most people in the mountains it isn’t really a big deal. Maybe a few of the children in the neighborhood will come trick-or-treating, but probably no more than 20 children will show up. My story is quite different, however. I live in the town of Mariposa in the area between 8th Street and Highway 140, along Bullion Street. It is in this area, along Bullion Street and Jones Street that it seems the entire county of Mariposa descends on Halloween, asking for candy and other goodies. This year my family kept a record of how many children came up to our front door and what kinds of costumes they wore. We had:

A
10-Angels
1-Half Angel-Half Devil
1-Autumn

B
8-Babies
1-Banker
1-Basketball Head
13-Batmen
1-Belly dancer
1-Bionicle
1-Bird Queen
1-Blade
1-Bob Marley
1-Box of Cheerios
7-Brides
2-Bumblebees
4-Bunnies
5-Butterflies

C
1-Cameron Turner
1-Care Bear
7-Cats
6-Cheerleaders
1-Chef
12-Cinderellas
1-Circus Ring Master
4-Clowns
1-Construction worker
3-Corpses
5-Count Draculas
3-Cowardly Lions
1-Cowboy
2-Cowgirls

D
2-Dark Angels
1-Dead cheerleader
1-Dead Prom Queen
1-Demon
2-Devil Princesses
9-Devils
1-Dinosaur
1-Disco dancer
2-Dogs
4-Dorothys
8-Dragons

E
1-Eeyore
2-Elmos
2-Elves
1-Elvis

F
23-Fairies
1-Fairy Godmother
8-Football players
2-50’s girls
4-Firefighters
3-Flappers
1-French maid
1-Frog

G
3-Ghosts
20-Ghouls
2-Goths
3-“Grease” girls
15-Grim Reapers
5-Gypsies

H
1-Heffalump
3-Hippies
10-Hobos
2-Hulks

I
1-Incredible
2-Indian Princesses

J
2-Jack-O-Lanterns
2-Jesters
1-Judo warrior

K
1-Knight

L
3-Ladybugs
1-Lord of Games
4-Marilyn Monroes
1-Mechanic
2-Medieval ladies
1-Mexican
1-Miss America
1-Monk
10-Monsters
7-Motocross riders
1-Movie star
1-Mulan

N
2-Napoleon Dynamites
3-Neos
6-Nerds
15-Ninjas
2-Nurses

P
1-Panda
3-Partiers
2-Phantoms
1-Pippi Longstocking
8-Pirates
1-Pooh Bear
1-Power Ranger
26-Princesses
7-Prisoners
1-Pterodactyl
5-Punks

R
1-Raisin
3-Robin Hoods
11-Rock Stars
2-Run-over victims

S
1-Sailor
1-Scarecrow
3-70’s people
1-Shadow
1-Showerer
3-Skaters
1-Skeleton
4-Sleeping Beauties
6-Snow Princesses
2-Snow Whites
2-Soccer players
1-Softball player
6-Soldiers
2-Spice Girls
11-Spidermen
1-Stabbed victim
1-(Star Wars) Ewok
1-(Star Wars) Princess Leia
1-(Star Wars) Storm Trooper
2-(Star Wars) Darth Vaders
2-(Star Wars) Luke Skywalkers
3-Supermen
1-Surfer

T
3-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
9-Teenagers
1-The Thing
1-(Three Stooges) Curly
6-Tigers
4-Tinkerbells
1-(Set of) Triplets
1-Troll

U
1-Unicorn
17-Unknown

V
15-Vampires
1-Verizon Wireless girl
2-Volleyball players

W
2-Waitresses
2-Werewolves
36-Witches
1-Wizard

Z
4-Zombies
1-Zorro

Having more then 600 children ask you for candy might be mildly traumatic, but the sheer volume of costumed candy-seekers was offset by getting to enjoy the creativity displayed by them in preparing their costumes. We had an entire family of Star Wars characters, with the older siblings dressed as Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and Princess Leia, and the baby fitted out as an Ewok. We also had two copies of Spiderman (we were told they were brothers) simultaneously march up to our door and, later, two versions of Batman. We ran out of candy before we ran out of children, but it was a lot of fun seeing all of their costumes. It was a bit like going to a costume party, except we didn’t have to dress up. Maybe next year we’ll have the same number of children, but I doubt it. Last year we had about 400, this year 600…next year??? Maybe next year we’ll have the children fill out the survey themselves before we hand out the candy. That would save us a lot of work! Or perhaps it would deter all but the best costumes from coming to our door. Maybe that’s a good idea!

The Mariposa Halloween Carnival

By Phil Vigil

In September, during the Mariposa County Fair, the beef barn was filled with noisy, mooing steers. But, by October 31st the steers were gone, and in their place were tons of kids on a sugar high. That was the day of the annual Halloween Carnival.
About 200 children and their parents came to play fun Halloween games and eat the good food. Many different organizations had booths there, including 4-H, Girl Scouts and the PTA. They were there to raise money for miscellaneous activities.
The Halloween Carnival is a great, safe alternative to trick-or-treating.

A Silly Nonsense Post for No Reason What So Ever!

by J.E.S.-se

Hay their! Haw? That's leaving off! You forget this isn't unexpected from lack sense! But now the grammar is normal. But'stilly! For example, get that rabbit back in your shoes! Stop faxing your hat! Eat the computer! Phone my nose! Scan a pad! Stop reading this!

Jesse's Jokes 4 plus Special Bonu--oh, forget it, more Twisted Twisters!

by Jesse Exum

What kind of ground is miniature golf played on?
Putting soil.

What do you get when you sneeze in the mountains?
Gesundheight.

What do you get when you count submarine sandwiches?
The sub-total.

What did the electrical outlet say to her misbehaving son?
"You're grounded!"

What covers the nursery-room floor?
Infantile.

Jesse: I can't hear you.
Karen: I didn't say anything.
Jesse: Right. That's why I can't hear you.

GUEST JOKE BY PAM CORNELISON!
What do you call a baby's dirty diaper?
A mother lode.


The Special Bonu--oh, forget it, more Twisted Twisters!
by Jesse Exum

"I'm not speaking fast"

"Fluorescent or incandescent?"

"Incandescent or fluorescent?"

GUEST TWISTER BY ANON E. MUSS!
"Tom told Ted to talk turkey"

GUEST TWISTER BY AL E. US!
"Tom's tonsils tickled tremendously"